An update on World Cancer Day
It's now been 3 full weeks since I've had my surgery and I've been really quiet online lately as I adjust to it all. It's been a weird time of grief and acceptance, but even with those feelings, the overpowering one is gratitude.
Last week, I met with my surgical oncologist to get my pathology results from surgery. While they removed and tested all 27 lymph nodes from my underarm, only 5 still showed evidence of disease (we knew there were at least 5 from my initial scans). While my lymph nodes didn't have a complete response to chemo, they did shrink considerably and were then all removed during surgery.
During my mastectomy, they found that all 4 tumors in my left breast had a "complete and definite response to chemo". There was also no evidence of disease on my right side either. I have no words for how freaking grateful I am to have those results.
While I still have a fair bit of nonsense to go as far as my cancer journey, I've passed the larger of the obstacles. Chemo is behind me, I'm on my way to recovery, and as of January 12th, I'm cancer-free! I still have radiation and reconstruction to go, as well as 14 rounds of antibody infusions to make sure I never have to deal with this again.
My recovery has (so far) been pretty good. I'm starting to be more mobile and feel more useful. The first 2 weeks were extremely hard since everything hurt and I had very little mobility in my arms and upper body. Thankfully, we had my mother-in-law, Diane, come stay with us for the first 2 weeks. I honestly have zero idea how we would have managed without her, and needless to say, we were very sad to see her go home.
While I still can't lift or hold Charlee, I'm at least able to play with her on the floor and I'm starting to be able to actually give proper hugs.
I still have barely any feeling in my upper arm on the left side, and there is some serious cording happening on that side as well. Unfortunately, I've called 4 separate physio offices in Cambridge and none so far will work on post mastectomy. That said, if you know a physiotherapist that has experience with that, please let me know😉
The next little while is just continuing with my infusions and going weekly for my expander fills. Once my left side is to the size I want my implants, I'll start my 25 rounds of radiation. That covers 4 weeks of daily radiation and then after 3 months of recovery, I'll have my expanders swapped out for implants and I'll feel a bit less disfigured, and a bit more like myself.
I know the term "disfigured" seems a bit harsh, but it's kind of my current reality. I trust my doctors and part of trusting the process means accepting this temporary stage. Each week the expanders in my chest get a bit bigger with each fill while they push my pectoral muscles off of my chest wall to make space for a future implant. They will start to have more shape as we go, but for now, I'm super lopsided and there's definitely some vanity struggles going on.
Since today is World Cancer Day, I'm going to make a small request. Spend today doing something great with people you love. Carry your babies a little longer, snuggle into your partner's chest, give full hugs and maybe hit the gym! Do all the things we take for granted while we're healthy, because in the past 3 weeks, I haven't been able to do any of that and it's honestly been the hardest part of recovery for me. Don't take it for granted.
