Applause For the Man
This month, Matt and I celebrated 4 years together. We don’t have a specific anniversary date, and just celebrate over whatever weekend is closest to the 23-25th of March (since that’s when we went away and had all the hard conversations that need to be had).
This year, we spent it with the stomach flu.
Our kids had it, we had it, it was awful. 4-5 days of taking turns holding puking children, giving high fives in the hallway as we passed off kids and took turns in the bathroom. We canceled our plans, and just focused on surviving.
The point of this story is not just to just brag about how great my man is, though he is pretty wonderful. I’m going to use this event to highlight the fact that when all the kids were sick, he was sick, I was sick, there was NEVER a part of him that just passed the responsibility off to me. He took days off to stay home with them, he cleaned up puke, he was IN IT WITH ME.
He was my partner and took a full active role in parenting WITHOUT me needing to tell him what to do.
THIS 👏SHOULD👏 BE 👏THE👏 NORM.👏
In my world of being a “raging feminist”, I speak at events about default parenting, finding balance in your home without stereotypical gender roles and learning how to turn down the mom guilt that plagues women more often than not. I have learned more in the past 4 years than I have learned in all my adult years prior. I’ve done more counseling, more research, more reading, more connecting, and Matt and I have had soooo many conversations about what works best for our family. These are conversations I admittedly didn’t know I needed to have.
So while we celebrate 4 years together, I want to celebrate the hard work that goes into making it enjoyable. The hard work that man has invested in our family, in my health, and most importantly our relationship. There is a level of transparency that I have never known before, an honesty that provides us a safe space and let’s us both admit when we fuck up or need extra support.
So if you're in a relationship and you’re feeling the weight of mental load, ASK FOR HELP. Sit down with your partner, have the hard talks, lay out your expectations, and set your boundaries. Life is sooooo much better with a partner who is genuinely equally invested in your life together.
I will also say, that without his unending support, cancer would have killed me. If I was diagnosed 5 years ago, 8 years ago, 10 years ago, this is not something that would have been feasible. I wouldn’t have had the personal, emotional support, or the neverending laughter that fills our house. When people comment on how well I’m handling this, and why it seems easy, the answer is really simple.
This life I live now, with my partner, and my children, EVEN WITH CANCER, is still infinitely better than my life ever was before.
Take any snapshot from the last 4 years, and compare it to any from the 10-12 before that, and the comparison knocks me to my knees. How could I not love my life now? How could I not feel overwhelming optimism at what the future holds? I have 3 beautiful children who are growing into fantastic people, and a partner that is so dedicated to being part of that journey. What’s not to live for?
