More Than: Halfway, 8 Hours & Bone Pain
I am officially more than halfway through the bulk of chemo!!! (HOORAY!!!)
Having finished my first 4 rounds of AC with not much more than a few days of nausea, I was somewhat excited to sail through the Taxol treatments with the same flourish. That my friends, did not happen.
My last treatment (November 27th) went totally fine, we used my port for the first time, came with lots of snacks and settled in for a nice long 5 hour treatment. Felt great, took Olivia for dinner to celebrate her new job (Crazy?!) and then had a pretty low key weekend with some movie nights and naps.
BUT HOLY CRAP, on day 3 the bone pain came at me with a vengeance. I didn’t sleep, could barely move and finally had to cave into taking a stronger pain killer in the nights so I could still function during the days.
I was honestly blindsided by it.
They tell you about the bone pain side effects, but when you’re normally healthy, in the gym and aware of your body, you tend to think they’re exaggerating the severity. I DEFINITELY thought that it was a side effect that with some Tylenol and a bath, I’d feel fine. “No worse than the joint pain after running a Tough Mudder right?” WRONG. I felt like I was 100 years old. That said, I now know what the hell to expect next week when I go.
Now that I’m onto 6/8 next week, we’re adding in the Herceptin and I’ll be in the chair for a full 8 hours! Which seems like such a long day, but yet again, this shit is literally saving my life, so we do what we must! The chemo is tolerable because the alternative is not.
Upcoming Surgery Decisions
To say there are no good options here is an understatment. I am constantly amazed by technology, but given I already have implants, I was kind of expecting a quick swap out situation (rookie move on my part). It will NOT be a quick and easy surgical journey. I am currently signed up for a full bilateral mastectomy (complete removal of both breasts and implants) as well as an axillary lymph node dissection (removal of 8-10 lymph nodes under my arm) in January. Both myself, my amazing surgeon, and my family are on the same page for removal, I have 3 kids and a full lifetime ahead of me. We are NOT doing this a second time.
Having the plan for my mastectomy is one thing. BUT I also need to make some pretty big decisions about reconstruction BEFORE I go under the knife. Not going to lie, its WAY more nerve wracking than when I got my implants. The options are all painful, include tons of recovery time, and all of them come with horror stories from people who later wished they just stayed flat.
Right now, I don’t know what the best option is. I’m researching, talking to other survivors, talking to plastic surgeons and trying to decide what is best for me. The most mind boggling part though, has been how automatically against the DIEP procedure I seemed to feel (They take the tissue from your stomach, give you a tummy tuck and make your boobs out of that tissue). While it’s a lot more natural since it’s your own tissue, I honestly never felt a tummy tuck was something I would sign up for. My body has carried, birthed and fed three beautiful children and some part of me is still hung up on the idea of cutting off the evidence of that.
I’ll get to some decision shortly but it feels like such a monumental choice to make in such a short time.
Option 1: Tissue Expanders with months of feeling my chest muscle being pried from my chest wall…
Option 2: Stomach Tissue with Abdominal Muscle (complete with full length waist scar and abdominal recover)
Option 3: Back Muscle Flap (Not really something I’m seriously considering since I like my back muscles)
