Finding Joy In The Rock Bottom Of Motherhood
Hi, my name is Beth!
Mother, Partner, Friend, Sister, Daughter, Graphic Designer, Marketing Professional, Producer of Moms Unleashed and now I’m adding breast cancer patient to the list.
These last few months have brought more challenges to my life as a mother, a business woman, a partner than I think I would have ever thought myself capable of. In the past year, I have watched my body grow and birth another small human, I have adjusted and rearranged my career and our roles at home. I have found great joy in having an infant again, and even more joy in watching my partner fall in love with being a father for the first time (though he has an impeccable resume as a stepdad!)
While falling in love with motherhood again, I have also been lucky to fall into new opportunities that came out of nowhere. Moms Unleashed came from a chat with a client about the realities of motherhood, and 3 days later Annie and I had a huge response from influencers and networks and now here we are!
During this whirlwind of working our jobs, raising our kids and planning our show, I found a lump in my boob. Which after nursing for 5 months, was not all that alarming, but I’ll be DAMNED if I’m getting mastitis again (IYKYK)
THAT LITTLE LUMP WAS NOT A BLOCKED DUCT, IT WAS STAGE 3 METAPLASTIC BREAST CANCER, AND HOLY FUCK, I HAVE NEVER WISHED FOR MASTITIS SO BADLY.
In the past month, I have been poked, prodded, rushed, and given life altering (and threatening news) and through all of that, I get to go home to my children and my partner and try to carry on. I have a career I love, a passion project that ignites my soul and here my boobs are trying to rain on my damn parade.
This diagnosis has brought forth impossible decisions between providing for my family, pursuing our careers, keeping our relationship strong, and at some point, possibly risking our financial security, draining our savings accounts, or risking my life (Not a big deal though, right?). What it has also brought though, is ENDLESS support from our people, whether friends, family, community, or even internet strangers who can relate. It’s honestly overwhelming but I am sooo grateful these people are mine.
For a lot of women, a stage 3 breast cancer diagnosis may be a rock bottom for them. There are so many traumatic moments from the time you find that lump to the time your going through treatment. BUT there are many ways to look at a rock bottom situation in hindsight. “Rock bottom” to me isn’t a particularly significant statement, because like any body of water, the bottom shifts based on where you’re standing. If you’ve ever blindly walked into a lake, you know there are spots where the bottom drops out, and suddenly what you thought was the abyss is a little lower or higher than you previously had thought.
FOR ME, ROCK BOTTOM HAS CHANGED SO MANY TIMES THROUGHOUT MY LIFE, THE PERSPECTIVE EVER DIFFERENT DEPENDING ON WHERE I’M CURRENTLY STANDING.
Right now, parenting through breast cancer feels easy one day, and then like a Jumanji flashback the next. I may feel empowered by my work days’ sudden productivity and our big exciting wins for Moms Unleashed, but then terrified I will miss important joys as I focus on my health. I’m thankful I’m in business with a partner who truly understands the millions of directions we are pulled in as mothers (Especially mothers with less than optimal situations!) So Thanks Annie for making this easy!
Finding the balance as a mother, a partner, and a woman is a lot like swimming through these rapids, both energizing and exhausting in the same breath. The achievements, friendships, and growth that fuel us are typically the aspects that demand so much of our focus. The communities and support that we so often rely on as women are stretched thin (aren’t we all?) and it has us scrambling. Boiling down our daily happiness to the simple measure of whether we are healthy and secure. Are our children? What about our friends?
WHEN THE TIDE SHIFTS AND OUR LIVES ARE FACED WITH UPHEAVAL, WE HAVE THE JOYOUS CAPABILITY OF TAKING A SECOND LOOK. USING WHAT WE VIEW AS A FAILURE AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO BUILD ANOTHER WAY OF KEEPING AFLOAT, ANOTHER LIFE PRESERVER TO HELP DRIFT THROUGH THE CHALLENGES OF OUR OVERSTRETCHED DAYS.
I can take joy in the board game nights and family dinners that I suddenly have time to enjoy. I have endlessly long chemo dates with my closest people, and endless baby snuggles when I am too tired to do anything else. There is patience and a bit of peace in this chaos —a great adjustment from what my days used to look like. Figuring out how I can clasp onto my identity without losing myself is the greatest skill I will manage to pull out of this time of overextension, and I’ve decided it’s ok if I’m still struggling to navigate it all.
